Two Ton

Two Ton Tony ran a bar
and trained on women and
beer
and one night
he
got into the ring
with the champ
the invincible one
who was one of the
hardest punchers
in the history
of the game.

“I’ll murder da bum!”
Two Ton Tony
told the press.

his
beer gut
hung over his trunks
he was bald
and in that
mass
of black hair
on his chest
could be seen
shots of white.

he was ten years
past his prime
but
in the fourth round
he landed
an overhand right
to the side of the
jaw of the
invincible one

which
dropped him
to the canvas
heard from
Australia to
Denmark.

never such a god damned
night.

but Two Ton
didn’t finish
his man
and as
the fight went on
he got winded
began missing with
the
roundhousers

began
running into the
slashing lefts and
the
lightning rights.

he was only a
barroom bouncer
a
beer drunk
the sweat
running down behind
his
fat neck

he caught that
final right
and that
was it.

the wail of the
barstool girls of
New Jersey
could be heard
across the nation
Two Ton
to his stool
and he grabbed the
ropes
saying, “The son of a
bitch blackjacked me!
I want a rematch!”

they threw a bucket
of water
over his head as
the invincible one
approached from across
the ring to
offer condolences and
“Better luck at the
next thing you try
to do…”

Author
Charles Bukowski
Written
1981
Source
Original manuscript