the hardest

birthday for me was my 30th.
I didn’t tell anybody.
and I was sitting in this same bar.
night and day.
and I thought, how long am I going
to be able to keep this bluff
up?
when am I going to give it up and
start acting like everybody
else?
I ordered another drink and
thought about it
and then the answer came to
me:
when you’re dead, baby, when
you’re dead.

Author
Charles Bukowski
Written
1991
Source
Original manuscript