just trying to do a good deed

she was right, she told me, “you
just go with my sister because she’s
younger than I am, you’re prejudiced
against older people and against fat
people.”

“when’s she coming home?” I asked
her.   “where is she?”

“don’t worry about her, I’m talking to
you now.
tell me, what’s wrong with me?”

“you’re old and you’re fat,” I told
her.

“but so are you,” she said.

“I’m not fat,” I said.

“you’re overweight,” she said.

“all right, stop bitching, come on,
we’ll fuck.”

“what did you say?”

“you heard me.”

then we just sat there.
I nodded toward the bedroom a
few times but she just sat
there.

then the door opened and the
younger sister was there.
the fat sister jumped up.
she pointed to me.

“HE WANTED TO FUCK ME!”

the younger sister looked at me.

“is this true?”

“no,” I said, “I didn’t want to.”

“BUT HE OFFERED TO!” screamed the
old sister.

“well?” the younger sister asked me.

“it’s true,” I said.

“YOU GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

I got up and walked out of the door
and down the sidewalk toward my
car.

“I TOLD YOU HE WAS NO GOOD!”
I heard the fat sister scream.

“OH, SHUT UP!” I heard the younger
sister scream.

I got into my car and drove out of
there.

when I got to my place the phone
was ringing.
I picked it up, then hung it up,
then took it off the
hook,
walked toward the refrigerator
for a beer.