heart-ache

I’ve been living in this gay hotel,
he told me,
it’s getting to me
I been fucking these guys
I even fell in love with a drag queen.
well, the other morning I found these 3
dildoes in the trashcan, they were still
covered with vaseline.   I just hadda get
out of Frisco so I flew down to San Diego.
so I’m in this bar and I meet this young
girl, marvelous body.   we drink a while
and she says she’ll suck my cock, she sucks
so she won’t get pregnant.
so we go to her place and I find out there
are 3 guys in the next room.   I ask her
who they are.   and she says, oh, they
are my lovers.   and I say, wait a minute,
you mean to tell me you suck those 3 guys
cocks too?   she says yes and I get out of
there.
I go to do a painting of an attorney, he
promised me $130 and when I finished he
said, I’ll give you $15.
what the hell, I said, that doesn’t even
cover the costs of paints and paper, let
alone my soul.

$15, he says.

I ripped up the painting and
walked out.
maybe I’ll go back to
New York.
where do you think I ought
to go?

San Pedro, I said.

San Pedro? he said.   hey man, don’t
fuck with my head!   where’d you get
that hanging plant?   what are you
doing with a cat?   who painted your
bathroom?

Author
Charles Bukowski
Written
1978
Source
Original manuscript
This poem appeared in the following books: