dim love down low

to be completely worn-down

beat-up
            washed away
                                    from
drinking
                gambling
                                 fighting
with women

driving freeways
being audited by the tax
man

having your
                      teeth pulled

car breakdown
                           flat tire
clogged
             toilet

nightmare nights

burned away with
                 it all

so god damned tired
your head
                 a flash of zero

your knees
                   back
                           elbows
                                       bung-
hole
        ache

meaning run away
                                   like youth
as you stare at
                           dirty
                                    yellow
walls

having clambered into your
useless bed

camera stolen again
roaches in the kitchen again

it has all come back
to where it belongs
         New York City
                                   Atlanta
the
     jail cell

dirt
      under fingernails
clogged
              nostrils

ugly again
                   flattened

(who would ever want
                                         to
see
     anybody like me
but me?)
                walking into the
bathroom
                  and
                         there’s the
mirror
             and there’s the
subtraction from the addiction
divided by one

still here
                recording defeat
as a
       best seller

might as well
                        take a
shit.