to kiss the worms goodnight

kool enough to die but not to
kill I take my doctor’s green
pill
drink tea
as the sharks swim through vases of
flowers
ten times around they go
twenty
searching for my sissy
heart
in a pale freak May night in
Los Angeles
Sunday
somebody playing
Beethoven

I sit behind pulled shades
in ambush
as ambitious men with new automobiles and
new blondes
command the streets
I sit in a rented room
carving a wooden rifle
drawing pictures of naked ladies
bulls
love affairs
old men
on the walls with children’s
crayons

it is up to each of us to live in
whatever way we can
as the generals, doctors, policemen
warn and torture
us

I bathe once a day
am frightened by cats and
shadows
sleep hardly at
all

when my heart stops
the whole world will get quicker
better
warmer
summer will follow summer
the air will be lake clear
and the meaning
too

but meanwhile
the green pill
these greasy floors off the
avenue and
down there a plot of worms of worms of
worms
and up here
no nymph blonde
to love me to sleep while I am
waiting.